If a quantum falls in the universe.....


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from Sagittarius and the Penguin, by jenn see

I started this blog for mostly self-serving reasons. That in and of itself is a imperfectly human thing to do. I hoped it would in some sense prove cathartic, and in another be a validation for the belief I had in my writing, which at that time was dangling by the shadow of a thread. If strangers visited and commented and perhaps even mentioned that they liked it, it would be an end to my doubt-tinged procrastination.
I never for one moment expected the remarkable people that I would encounter. Yet I did. And I would find an answer to a question that grows in relevance as the boundaries of the world shrink. Bonds of friendship can transcend the need for physical expression. Communities can rise up from seemingly random bits of binary code. One quickly grows used to the thought of being greeted every week by a smart turn of phrase, a delicious slice of wit, an achingly honest recollection of intensely personal events. If it is possible to laugh together whilst miles apart, I have done that. If it is possible to admire thoughts and ideas as a replication of a person, I have done that. If it is possible to draw inspiration from, hope from, passion from......no, not draw. Be injected with, imbued with, the joy of living of creating of being who we are meant to be, no disguises and no masks. If it is possible to find all these things within a world of pixels and bytes, then I have found that. And not just once, but many times over.
And I never, for one second, imagined that any of these people would one day not be there.
Jenn, I have no idea what made you linger here a moment longer then you might have, and I have no idea what made you return many times, but thank you.
I do know what made me follow some fish, and I know that as much as the truth to be found there, it was the welcome that made me return, and I thank you.
For Mysfit, for Oldben and for your family, I can find a sliver of hope in the knowledge that because you were such a....well, because you were, the ones you loved will find a way through this.
When I found out that my wife and I would be having a little girl, and as we find ourselves so close to seeing another life enter this world, I have a thought that passed through my mind months back, and that passes through my mind now. I don't know how appropriate a thought it is, just that it is a true one. And smiling when I think of your penchant for revealing yourself to us as a pair of eyes, the thought is this:
If my daughter grows up to have anything resembling the mind behind those eyes, their irrepressible spark and love for life, I would be thankful beyond measure.
I too, wish you peace.


6 Responses to “If a quantum falls in the universe.....”

  1. Anonymous jason evans 

    Beautiful, FM. A beautiful tribute.

    I'm trying so hard to see something more than an ocean of tragedy in this...but I can't. I just can't.

    But I will celebrate who she will always be.

  2. Anonymous Carl V. 

    Really great thoughts FM. This all seems so unreal somehow and yet the ache is very, very real. I woke up this morning and thought about how there will be no more comments from Jenn and the thought of that is just so hard, and that's coming from me who barely knew her. I hurt so much for her family.

  3. Anonymous oldben 

    thank you...just...thank you.

  4. Anonymous Cynthia Walker 

    Thank you for such beautiful thoughts. My daughter was my bright shining star. I am so thankful she died without pain and in the happiest time of her life. Oldben was responsible for a lot of her joy. She will be missed but will live on......

  5. Anonymous monkey0 

    well said.

    I'm a damn writer, and I can't muster anything coherent about this whole stupid thing. we all loved her, and now she's gone.

  6. Anonymous Nome 

    Deeply sorry to hear about your friend. What a tragic tale that is.

    I just wanted to let you know that I stopped by because I miss you, my old friend. I'm glad to see you're still around.

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