Slowly the cracks start to appear......


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As I am sure you have by now all formulated an image of me as calm, collected, imperturbable, unflappable....serene even, I feel it my obligation as a pursuer of truth to regale you with the following: (this is by no means an effort to deprecate myself before anyone else gets the chance to) Saturday afternoon, the local cineplex. In attendance are myself, Mrs TenMiles, Dunc and his wife, or more familiarly, the 'evil one' (you know I love you Mrs Sims!). Tickets snipped, popcorn and various other derivatives ready for tactical deployment, we enter the foyer. But first, we embark on a pilgrimage to the Temple, to pray and give an offering to the God of Settled Loins. Ever since missing a critical five minutes of Eternal Sunshine, I have remained a faithful convert. Curse you, jumbo-sized coke! Mrs TenMiles and the 'evil one' veer left, Dunc and I to the facilities opposite. Since true friends do not let something as insignificant as seperate urinals come between them and a good conversation, I continue to prattle on, pausing only to ascertain that his exit will coincide with mine. And that's when it happens. A stranger deftly inserts himself, with the skill of an overzealous granny intent on delivering little Billy's knitted birthday sweater, between myself and Dunc. I however, in that tranquil oasis that often accompanies a good jabbering, have failed to notice. It is only after five paces later and the question "What do you think about the new Corpse Bride?" that I glance to my right.......... At first I thought the gods of fortune had smiled upon me and the stranger had not heard, but not only were their smiles untraceable (as evidenced by the stranger's panicked gestures to cinema security five minutes later), moreover the gods were in a jesting mood. For a few seconds, I was so proud of myself. When I noticed that the other member of my conversation was not Dunc, I barely battered an eyelid, noticed that he was a few paces behind, carefully adjusted my stride and was on the verge of continuing the discussion as if nothing had happened.....but the gods had slightly different plans. For at the very moment some stranger was wondering who this psychopath was, Mrs TenMiles and the 'evil one' had exited...and in an instant they had both summed up the situation, noted my predicament and were now laughing uproariously in a twisted duet. But I am bigger than my bruised ego, I can laugh at myself...hahahahaha....see? I don't even mind the fact that this will certainly provide all concerned with enough witticisms for months to come. I have bear no ill feeling toward anyone!.......the fact that the movie we ended up seeing was The Grudge is purely coincidental..... Fast-forward to four hours later. The same foursome are enjoying a delicious dinner on Dunc's veranda, when he gets up to close the sliding door to keep the dogs at bay. I still remember thinking to myself, "He's closed the sliding door, don't forget to open it when you go to the kitchen...." In due course, I decide to quench my thirst (didn't have a jumbo coke, remember!), so I politely excuse myself. And since I'm such a polite young gentleman, I clear some plates from the table as well. I probably should have felt the gentle pulling of my puppet strings, but yet again my blathering distracted me..... I can only hope that I get a share of the profits the two of them are raking in as they invite the masses to come and see the mysterious face that has left an imprint in their sliding door. Some say it is the face of an angel, others a martyred saint...... Some of us now know better....... And for those still wondering what Corpse Bride is.


6 Responses to “Slowly the cracks start to appear......”

  1. Blogger the wheel 

    That's funny. I know I would be pretty uncomfortable if some stranger started talking to me in the temple. I haven't heard about Corpse Bride, but it should be good. I guess Depp is doing a lot of work with Burton these days. I can't wait to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

  2. Blogger Nome 

    Um...so you had an embarrassing urinal conversation with someone who wasn't your friend, and then you walked into a screen door?

    If that's the most perturbed you have ever been, I salute you.

    You should have seen me after I accidentally left my laptop computer in a metro station somewhere in Europe.

    UNFLAPPABLE!

    I got a pamphlet today from a guy offering free healing sessions, courtesy of (I kid you not) GOD! Not a doctor, or a nurse, or even a Reiki practioner, but GOD! What, are we in Biblical times now? And I was not informed? Come ON! I was unable to stifle my laughter (okay, so I didn't even try) before turning around and tossing it into the bin.

    Gotta love streetcorner salvation. Wouldn't that make a good band name?

    Cheers,

    N

  3. Blogger banzai cat 

    Well, you could always sell the sliding door on eBay and tell 'em it's the face of Jesus. ;-)

  4. Blogger Luke 

    Ha! Very good ... i did the same thing at Cantina Tequila in Randburg a few months ago, walked smack bang into the freaking glass door, whilst trying to look elegant. Mortifying.

  5. Blogger Luke 

    Ha! Very good ... i did the same thing at Cantina Tequila in Randburg a few months ago, walked smack bang into the freaking glass door, whilst trying to look elegant. Mortifying.

  6. Blogger Luke 

    And you get a double post, cos I'm feeling insecure or something ... and my ADSL just bombed midpost :)

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