"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect." - George Carlin


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So it seems I may just have to start a weekly series on the fun facts that can be obtained through the joys of religious spamming. As you might remember, last week's episode taught us that little boys named Billy can control the weather. This weeks exciting edition can be found here......yes, someone actually emailed the link to me. Those who possess a strong enough constitution to read further than the first few lines will also learn fun facts such as: The great 'pit' [hell] would only need to be about 100 miles or less in diameter to contain, with much room to spare, all the forty billion or so people who have ever lived, assuming their 'spiritual' bodies are the same size as their physical bodies. In Mark 9:46, Jesus Christ says about hell: "Where THEIR WORM dieth not, and the fire is not quenched."......... Scientists recently discovered cracks on the ocean floor where fire was leaking out. Do you know what they found around these fire-breathing vents in the crust? Eight-foot long worms, found no other place in the world! Ah well, I hope they get cable......or even just Sluggy! (from the drop down menu, select Book One: Is It Not Nifty) Oh wait.....just remembered they said Ted Turner would be there.....


4 Responses to “"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect." - George Carlin”

  1. Blogger the wheel 

    "I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse."----Issac Asimov

    "Maybe this world is another planet's hell."----Aldous Huxley

  2. Blogger Ron_F 

    My God, it is amazing what the bible-thumpers will come up with. My favorite part is the picture showing the exact location of hell:
    http://www.av1611.org/images/Xearth2.jpg
    "Notice the 'FIRE' in the Earth!"

    My 2nd favorite is the clip from the "respected Finland newspaper, Ammenusastia", whose text style looks suspiciously like that bastion of journalistic integrity, the Weekly World News. I think I remember that issue, in fact.
    http://www.av1611.org/images/hell1.jpg

  3. Blogger Lohans 

    Ok, I apologize ahead of time for the massive post below this. But I was literally cracking up as I read through that 'Hell' website, and just had to reply to a few of their examples etc. (hahaha. Oh my god, i'm still chuckling from it)

    1. "We'll present documented evidence for a place called hell. Don't take what you're going to read lightly. If what you read is true — YOU COULD BE IN SERIOUS DANGER!"

    My response: Here's my documented evidence that Hell is indeed a place: Hell, Michigan http://carcino.gen.nz/images/index.php/5922d576/15913492 http://www.hometownvalue.com/hell.htm
    And if I am in such serious danger if I believe what I read below to be true...then I just won't believe it. And besides, I much prefer laughing to worrying myself to death (or Hell).

    2. "Scientists recently discovered cracks on the ocean floor where fire was leaking out. Do you know what they found around these fire-breathing vents in the crust? Eight-foot long worms, found no other place in the world! The book, The Deep Sea, by Joseph Wallace (p.39), reads, "Perhaps the strangest of ocean creatures recently discovered are Riftia, the giant tube WORMS. Measuring up to 8 feet in length, the worms are ONLY FOUND NEAR DEEP SEA VENTS."

    "In Mark 9:46, Jesus Christ says about hell: "Where THEIR WORM dieth not, and the fire is not quenched."

    My response: Yes. This is because the worms are found at incredible depths, where the water is freezing. The heat from the vents attracts them, and they flourish in the warmth.
    And you know what I thought of while reading about this 'worm' stuff? (don't think i'm sick, but it struck me as quite obvious) Well, often times sexual acts are seen as being sinful. And, I assume you can see where i'm going with this, men's genetalia might be referred to as a 'worm' and his sinful sex drive, or the 'unquenchable fire' within might be the sin that Jesus is talking about.

    3. "22 For as the new heavens and the new earth, which I will make, shall remain before me, saith the LORD, so shall your seed and your name remain.
    23 And it shall come to pass, that from one new moon to another, and from one sabbath to another, shall all flesh come to worship before me, saith the LORD.
    24 And they shall go forth, and look upon the carcases of the men that have transgressed against me: for their worm shall not die, neither shall their fire be quenched; and they shall be an abhorring unto all flesh."

    My response: 22: "so shall your seed and your name remain" seed=sperm. name=if you're a male, your last name is carried on with the child.
    24: Again with the male genetalia theory, I shall translate:"And they shall go forth" Men will go forth, "and look upon the carcases of the men that have transgressed against me:" unbelieving in God, "for their worm shall not die, neither shall their fire be quenched" and they shall impregnate women with their undying sexual desire-fire, "and they shall be an abhorring unto all flesh." and will thus implant their own self into many following generations.

    4. "What could possibly be worth eternity in hell? No wonder Jesus Christ warned so much about hell! No wonder Jesus said in Mark 8:36, "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and LOSE HIS OWN SOUL?"

    My response: I believe Jesus was anticipating the birth of George W. Bush with this comment. Bush is a man who seeks to gain the entire world, and will stop at nothing to get it. We all can plainly see that he has lost his soul.

    5. "Jesus Christ took hell so serious — He could say without the slightest hesitation — to remove your eye, cut off your hand or foot, if that would keep you out of hell!"

    "If hell is not real — Jesus Christ was the most deceived man that ever lived!"

    My response: "Jesus Christ was the most deceived man that ever lived!" Truer words have never been spoken!

    6. "But God is a God of LOVE. . . Why would a GOD OF LOVE send me to hell? Yes, God is a GOD OF LOVE — but God is also a HOLY GOD. A HOLY GOD demands payment for sin. Otherwise God would NOT and could NOT be HOLY."

    "Because God is holy — sin MUST be condemned. Joshua 24:19 says, ". . he is an HOLY GOD;. . . he will NOT forgive your transgressions nor your sins."

    My response: (Please see number 9)

    7. "Because God is a GOD OF LOVE, and He LOVED YOU so much, He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to this earth to die a cruel death on a cross to pay the price a HOLY GOD demands for your sins."

    "Romans 5:8 says, "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

    "God does not send someone to hell. You choose hell when you reject Jesus Christ. When you refuse God's love gift of eternal life in Jesus Christ. . ."

    My response: Haha. Wow. Alright so let me get this straight: God is this 'loving' guy, but the price to pay for OUR sins, is for God to condemn his own son to death and hell? Well shoot! If that's all it took, we're all home free! And God has no more son...what a shame.

    "God does not send someone to hell. You choose hell when you reject Jesus Christ. When you refuse God's love gift of eternal life in Jesus Christ. . ." Wait, what? I thought he sent his own SON to Hell? For an eternity!? Nice!

    8. "God has something far better than words can describe for those who love Him. I Corinthians 2:9 says:

    ". . . Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him."I Corinthians 2:9"

    My response: Why would I love a guy who condemned his own son to death and an eternity in Hell? Even if it was done to 'pay off my sins', he killed his own son. That certainly does not deserve any sort of praise.

    9. " ...Sirs, what must I do to be saved? And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house."" Acts 16:30,31"

    "Pray this prayer, and mean it with all your heart:

    Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and unless you save me I am lost forever. I thank you for dying for me at Calvary. I come to you now, Lord the best way I know how, and ask you to save me. I now receive you as my Savior. In Jesus Christ Name, Amen."

    My response: But, wait...I thought (From number 6) "...he will NOT forgive your transgressions nor your sins." So, doesn't that mean: Once a sinner, always a sinner? There's no going back? But here (# 9), they say that if you repeat that prayer 'with all your heart' that you will be forgiven for your sins...

    However, I am still confused over whom it is I am to love. According to # 8 I am to love God, and he will be the one that provides me with great and wonderful things. Yet everywhere else, and even in the prayer, it says you must love Jesus. And that once you accept him you will be saved. Nowhere in that prayer, or elsewhere (aside from # 8) does it mention anything about God being the one to save you from the depths of Hell. It says that should you let Jesus into your life, you will be saved and granted access into heaven.

    I would like to end this with the quote from the very first commenter, Skrambled: "I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse."----Issac Asimov

    That is all I have to say.

  4. Blogger Lohans 

    holy SHIT that was long! so sorry!

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